EXHAUSTED AND DEMORALIZED

agrasen

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[gita-talk] Re: Guidance to the Mentally Exhausted and Very Stressed

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sadhak_insight Mon, Jan 26, 2009 at 1:16 PM
Reply-To: gita-talk@yahoogroups.com
To: gita-talk@yahoogroups.com
My mother is once again hospitalized… im sorry im exhausted and
very stressed. After five years of taking care of her entirely on
my own, as other family members have washed their hands off, I feel
completely exhausted. She is also a alzheimers patient exhibiting
all behaviour related to this deadly disease. She continues to be
extremely stubborn in receiving any kind of help which is continuing
to exhaust and drain all her financial resources.

Caring for her for so long, I feel like I will have a stroke or a
heart attack. There have been many incidents where I have been
completely freaked out, totally drained of all energy. This extreme
physical and mental exhaustion has reached a point where I can
barely make it off the bed, with my eyes swollen from exhaustion.

I read the words in your daily posting and though i know they are
true, they mean nothing in my serious state of exhaustion. I can
no longer care for my mother and have told her doctors so and they
know and agree. Knowing that I still feel responsible, but at the
same time, feel completely unable to deal with the situation.
There appears to be no Light in sight! How do I connect to this
Light? I seek any guidance you can offer to be free of suffering
and to be at Peace!

May all souls cross over the horrid ocean of suffering
including me.

Anonymous
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NEW POSTING

Hari Om

You have every right to be peaceful. "Duty" - is what you CAN and
what you SHOULD. Once you have done what ever you could, there is no
need for you to feel guilty when you CAN NOT anymore. What you can
not do, it is not your duty to do.
Hence be brave, be guiltfree, and see God's hand in every result.
See God live in your Mom, in your mind, in your circumstances - and
for once with a simple heart surrender yourself completely into the
hands of Paramatma. Once you surrender, thereafter you should not
worry.

Stand erect. Be peaceful by realising that you did your level best.
Don't look at all at the conduct of "relatives" ! They are made like
that only. They were not "yours", they are not "yours", they will
not be "yours" - there is no possibility of their ever
being "yours". Yours is only Paramatma ! Once you accept "mineness"
with Him (He is always yours) , it would not matter to you, if
anybody is "yours" or not. GUARANTEED !! Remain Doubtless.
Worryless. Griefless. Fearless.

Cry before Him- only before Him. Say now take over My Lord. He
surely will. Have trust. Have belief. Thank Him any way !

Jai Shree Krishna

Vyas N B
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-Shree Hari-

Dear Anonymous,

My wife and I are in a very similar position to you, almost a
reflection of that which you have written.
My role in all this is to mainly support my wife.

May I point out the family members have washed their hands of much
more than caring for mother.
Surely if they find themselves incapable of helping her directly can
they not at least support you?

You have done something very important, you have contacted this site
with so much divine love and wisdom.

I feel that you need direct support, as I have no idea where you live
I cannot offer much, here in Australia there are support groups,
religious and none religious.

You do not have to remain anonymous, but if you wish to fine.

Do come back to this site, I personally promise you I will always
reply and support you to best of my abilities.

You may find this site of value, I cannot recommend it too much.
http://swamiramsukhdasji.net

May God bless you.

With Respect and Divine Love,

Mike (Keenor).
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Priy Anonimous
I say you are choosen by god to serve your mother.
It comes rarely occassion that U get such chance.
Whatever the situation please do all servings on the basis of
Almighty lord.
God is seeing every moment. He knows better than all of us.
In MANAS:
PRABHU BHANJIHI DARUN BIPATI, JAANAT JAN KI PIR.
God will take care coz he knows all ur pains.
Have faith. please.
Raja Gurdasani
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Namasthe anonymous, I read your message and I guess I understand
what you must be going through. do not worry much. God is there and
everything will be fine too. I just was wondering..where do you
live ? in which country ?
Please try to find the local support groups regarding these
alzeimers' illness. I guess, u are handling this all on ur own and
it would definitely get exhausting. Please find some of the members
who are going thro similar situations via support groups.

also, when u mention about exhausting financial resources..how is it
happening ? is it possible if some nurse or anyone can take care of
her 2 to 3 days a week and during that time..u can do other things
and you take care 2 to 3 days..so that you will also get a break
from the routine and get refreshed also.

Also, please think about this. in case if u are caring of ur any
family member..the other type of exhaustion we all may feel worried
thinking that it is our family member. Rather than that, if
possible, just try to think that whatever situation we are in
either by choice or circumstance, think its God's work and do it. In
the respect, although u may get physically exhausted, atleast the
exhaustion will not be much from the emotional perspective. once
the mental energy is not drained, you can be calm in every day's
action u do.

Please be strong and I am sure everything will be fine. Do not
thnk..its ur mother..just think that it is God's work whatever u are
doing to ur mother. Definitely, please check on the support
groups/non-profit organizations..they will definitely be there to
help the people who are taking care of the people with illness.

My prayers and good wishes and so u feel peac in ur heart even in
the midst of all these.

namsthe again,
Bharathi
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Consider yourself as Arjuna in the battlefied of Kurukshetra, where
in the midst of the war between mother' illness including her
stubborn rejection of all help and your own physical and mental
resources, you are completely dejected and despondent. This is the
reality of the situation you cannot bear. Reading Gita is your Lord
Krishna: read this and identify the Truth. You are not responsible
for anything, you are not the cause of anything. You have done what
you have been doing and continue to be doing. But your actions do
not cause the consequences that you desire and you do not desire.
Whatever happens to Mother is destined to happen and you are neither
the cause nor the one responsible for. You are just an witness to
all happening.
You are only to act as per the propensities/ tendencies that have
been imparted in you by your genetics and past interactions/
experiences with the environment you have grown up. This you have no
alternative but to accept the pains and sufferings.
Get out of identification with this You. This you is just an
illusion that this you will have to live. But the Real You are the
God. Read Gita again and again to realize your Real You and get
beyond the chained you attached to the happenings of this World
around you. Pray and pray to God that He lifts you to the Real You.
Know that when you try in this way to get into your Real you, your
apparent worldy you will have no suffering at all.
All above are words and really cannot help you. Sincere and
continuous prayer and submission to God as you read Gita can only
help you.
Basudeb Sen
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Yes, on a physical level it is all very difficult to understand and
cope up with.
But these things do happen with many families and part of our
worldly existence.

What helps us in these and all other situations is the spiritual
wisdom/rules of our lives,
knowing ourselves, doing things by remaining at the source......
It may appear difficult but with some practice, one start getting
the results....
So please read the messages on this group and get into the spiritual
mode....

Humble suggestions:

1) You have to understand who you are. So, ask yourself "Who am I?"
and wait for the answer.
Then try again...see what happens....what happens to the
feelings...the stress....Keep this practice
on whenever you can and find time or even while doing something....

2) Second question that may burst many myths is to understand who is
getting exhausted and
who is stressed....So ask your self "Who is getting exhausted", "Who
is getting stressed"
and again wait for the answer........

Our mind/ Mann is a wonderful instrument and able to create things
out of nothing.....and we
slowly become slaves of thoughts and further thoughts....The above
questions help you to get rid of the
these absolutely unnecessary and unwanted thoughts. Once that begin
to happen, you can see the
light which shall direct you to do what needs to be done happily and
without much effort....

Best wishes....
Sushil Jain

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Hi ,

God is only testing you, do your work and manage to distance
yourself from now or you will be heart broken when the time comes to
say good bye, god willing.

Pray more and carry on with your work, you have done your duty and
this is all you can do. You are answerable to only The Almighty, so
go about your work and pray when you find the time to do so.

All the best till you feel good.

BARBARA ALI
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Dear Sadhak,
Under the circumstances of your mother please do not lose confidence
in your sincere caring of your mother who has given birth to you.If
you are tired then ask other members of your family to take care of
her If you have money please put her in a nursing home or any such
place where her care is properly taken
Matru devo Bhava " is a great obligation as narrated in Upnishad.

For her salvation please start reading one chapter of Bhagavat Gita
or the whole Gita on Sunday or any important day. Keep some chanting
program at your place for finding a solution and relief to both of
you. Have faith in God and a solutions will come within six months
of your resolution to seek peace in your family.

Truly yours
Shankerprasad S Bhatt
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Dear anonymous....
My heart truly goes out to you.....unless one has been in a
similar situation, it is impossible to understand the level of
stress that you are experiencing. I am presently caring for an 84
yr. old mataji, whose son passed away from cancer last November.
(2008). He was only 54. She has one other son, but he is not
vegetarian, so she does not wish to live with him, nor does she wish
to relocate away from the devotional community she has grown used to
in Los Angeles. I promised her son, who was not related to me, that
I would care for his mother. But I have my husband to help me. I
am constantly on the lookout for individuals from my temple who can
spare time and energy to stay with this sweet, elderly lady,
otherwise I take her everywhere with me, because to leave her alone
is quite scary...both for her, as she sits alone and doesn't move,
and for me, because I am so worried about her when she is alone!
And she doesn't even have alzheimer's, or anything like that. Just
incontinence, which of course brings a load of social
pressures......and she screams about having to take a shower. It
is certainly a demanding service....one which the Supreme Lord will
bless you millions of times over for executing so faithfully for so
long......may you always be guided by the Lord in your heart to know
how to continue pleasing Him.
respectfully, Mahalaksmi Dasi
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Arvind Khetia, engineer and a Hindu:
Discouragement and hopelessness can arise due to many reasons.
Spiritual wisdom is essential to cultivating a balanced mind. Then,
one recognizes the negative influence of ego, greed and excessive
material pleasures on one's mind and society. Consequently, one
learns to cultivate self-control, discriminate between what is
eternal and transient, practice equanimity and follow one's dharma.
Dharma requires one to perform the duties of life in accordance with
universal ethical values.

Therefore, one's faith must be founded on spiritual reality to help
combat discouragement and hopelessness. The Bhagavad-Gita
states, "When spiritual wisdom is the highest goal, one's faith is
deep and senses restrained, then one attains wisdom and acquires
perfect peace."

According to Vedanta, true faith begins with having faith in
ourselves. Then, through practicing the spiritual disciplines of
meditation and yoga, one achieves a transformation of one's
character. Thus, one's faith evolves into the realization of one's
inner spiritual nature and manifests as enlightened optimism.

Arvind Khetia
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Dear Exhausted ,

The True answer must come from your ' inside ', from inside you.
No-one from outside can give you the correct answer for you, in your
particular situation

Meditation will lead you to your inner being .
Meditation is the only Way.....................
Sit for formal meditation , morning and evening, half an hour .

BUT..................

When meditation does not ' happen', especially in the beginning(
your mind does not move into it so easily), and Karma ( sewa) is
also so exhausting and stressful, ' prayer and satsanga' is the
answer ..........

A Prayer to God ( Krishna, Rama,Shiva, Allah, Waheguru ) for
strength and wisdom, whenever the mind falls ... Being at the feet
of a master can do wonders !

narinder bhandari
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SUMMARY OF SADHAK POSTINGS -

- Being Peaceful is your birth right! What you can not do, it is
not your duty! be guiltfree. See God in Mom, and take complete
refuge in the Divine (God); accept only Him as yours; thereafter do
not worry! Remain Doubtless. Worryless. Griefless. Fearless.
- you are choosen by god to serve your mother; a rare opportunity!
Serve as if serving Almighty! He knows what is best! He knows ur pain
- My heart truly goes out to you.....it is certainly a demanding
service. may you always be guided by the Lord in your heart to know
how to continue pleasing Him.
- you are being tested; You have done your duty! continue working
but becoming detached. Pray. You are only answerable to God.
- Whatever happens to Mother is destined to happen and you are
neither the cause nor the one responsible for. Stop identification
with Body/Mind and identify with the Truth of the Gita. Read Gita
again and again! prayer and submission to God/Gita can only help you.
- Spiritual wisdom is essential to cultivating a balanced mind.
True faith begins with having faith in ourselves.
- Question over and over again.. who am I? who is getting
exhausted? Who is getting stressed? and wait for the answer! Mind
creates things out of nothing! The above questions help you to get
rid of the unnecessary thoughts. thereafter light shall direct you
to do what needs to be done happily and without much effort
- Meditate and Pray... at lotus feet of Lord
- Do not lose confidence. Seek Help! Read Gita! Have Faith in God
and solution will come.
- You need direct support! Are there support groups / others?
Don't hesitated to rely on sadhaks in this forum. They are
personally committed to support.
- Please seek out a local support group! Possibly a break, through
hired nurse help, so can get some rest!
- think its God's work you are doing for your mother and do it!
There will be less emotional exhaustion, therefore you'll be calm
even though physical strain.
- Please be strong and all will be fine!

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