I know you like one liners, so here they go...

Sign in a travel agency window: "Please go away."

Hummingbirds have forgotten the words.

If you can buy a person's friendship, it is not worth it.

Humility is such an elusive thing. Just when you think you've got it, you've lost it.

I'd never make it on one of those Survivor shows. Every time I even think about eating something like caterpillars, I get butterflies in my stomach.

Change is good as long as I don't have to do anything differently.

People who are wrapped up in themselves are overdressed.

Coincidence is just an euphemism for conspiracy.

George Washington's brother was the uncle of our country.

It's neither conservative nor liberal to be anti-war. It's humanitarian.

Life is like a doughnut. You're either in the dough or in the hole.

When Wal-Mart builds stores in China, will they sell only items imported from the United States?