Monday, July 31, 2006


Date Application

You have seen them...
the "young men," "love of my life"...your daughters bring home?

Well, now it's time to cover yourselves and protect your
daughters' well being. Although it's meant in pure fun...
many of you MAY want to take it serious. Have fun with it.

Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history,
lineage and medical report from your doctor.

Date Of Birth:____/____/____

Soc. Sec.#______-___-_______
Driver's License#____________________
Boy Scout Rank:_____________Good Standing: Yes_____No_____
Home Address:__________________________________
Home Phone#: (___)___________

Cell Phone#:_______________

Do you own
a. Van?____
b. Truck with oversized tires?____
c. Car with a trunk full of speakers?_____

Do you have any of the following:
a. An earring_____
b. nose ring______
c. belly button ring_____
or piercings on any other body parts_____


(If you answered YES to any of the above questions, discontinue
and leave the premises immediately.)

In 30 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?


In 30 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to


Church you attend_____________________
How often______________________
Best time to interview your pastor?_______________________

Fill In The Blank. Please answer freely, all answers will be

a. If I were beaten, the last bone I want to be broken is:

b. The one thing I hope this application does not ask me is

c. Now answer the question you filled in on B


NOTE: If you have answered any of the previous questions
dishonestly (and I will find out), discontinue application.
It is advised that you leave the premises quickly keeping your
head low and running in serpentine fashion.

I swear that all information provided above is true and correct
to the best of my knowledge under penalty of death,
dismemberment, electrocution, and/or hot pokers.

Signature (This means sign your name)

Thank you for your interest. Please allow 4 - 6 YEARS for
processing. If your application is approved, you will be
contacted in writing. Please do not call or write, this could
cause you unexpected injury.

If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two men
wearing white ties and answering to the names GUIDO and LOUIE.


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