TOP TEN, MINUS 3, CANADIAN COMPLAINTS AGAINST AMERICANS

Top Ten Canadian Complaints Against Americans

1. Won't acknowledge enormous cultural contributions of Howie Mandel.

2. We're pretty sure they're holding Wayne Gretzky down there against his will.

3. Every time we mention the city "Regina," they won't stop giggling.

4. Incredibly, they only have one word for "snow"

5. In American encyclopedias, Canada is often called "North Dakota's gay neighbor"

6. They call it American cheese, even though it was invented by Canadian superstar Gordon Lightfoot

7. They've never even heard of our most popular superhero, Captain Saskatchewan