Tuesday, October 06, 2009



[gita-talk] How to control anger,anxiety ? when things are not in our control?

sadhak_insight Mon, Oct 5, 2009 at 7:10 PM
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How to control anger,anxiety when things are not in our control?

Vineeta Ujlan

Shree Hari Ram Ram
Vineetaji, please see attached responses from a similar previous posting. From Gita Talk Moderators, Ram Ram

Shree Hari

Ram Ram

Priya Sadhak, prashana ke liye dhanyavad!

Based on Swamiji Mahatraj's teaching, there are several ways to deal with this:

1. We are reminded in Gita that we should remember God at the last breath since whatever our last thought is, that is what we become in next life. Rarely, it can happen by God's grace, but generally, it is not possible unless we are in the habit of repeating God's name all the time.

2. The whole universe is pervaded by God, there is nothing else but Him in everything and everywhere, whatever we may be associated with. If we do all actions with a loving attitude as a dedicated service, as an offering to God, then it changes the whole setting, this applies to - what we think, what we see, what we feel, what we do, what we talk, what we eat or drink etc., then it becomes a worship, we do not need a separate time for prayer or worship.

3. We need to closely examine the root cause of the anger in a given situation. Ordinarily, it is cited that the cause for anger is obstructed desire for the material things, persons or situations but Swamiji Maharaj summarises it:
The real problem is when we have the desire "what we want should happen" and "what we do not want should not happen". Right at the outset there is a conflict, we are asking for the impossible since other people want their way too at the same time, how can then the oppositre things happen in a given setting.

4. Scriptures remind us again and again that we should not look for faults in others, we cannot remove their faults anyway, it is possible we may develop these faults ourselves. If they want to remove their faults they can. Instead we should attempt to remedy our own faults.

5. No one is responsible for giving us pain even though we may think that to be the case. What we get in terms of good fortune or bad fortune, money, children, life partner, situations and circumstances is a result of our prarabhdha only. No one else is to be blamed for it. The wise person looks within himserlf for answers.

6. In order to get rid of the anger we have to let go of the "Agrah", my way or highway, Swamiji says, if we do what the others want, it would make them happy, it can turn out to be relaxing experience for ourselves too, it is easier on our system, stress free, a win win situation. Agreed, it certainly is a blow to our ego, the Ahamkar is Asuric vriti and is at root of majority of problems in interpersonal relationships.

7. Last resort is to pray to God saying "Hey Nath, I cannot handle it, have tried everything within my power, pls. come to my rescue, you are my only saviour.

Madan Kaura

References: Jivan-upyogi Parbachan & Amrit Bindu by Swami Ramsukhdasdji, Gita 2-55, 2-62/63, 3-36/37!

I have some humble suggestions ...

1. Anger comes from unfulfilled desires and expectations. Since we feel incomplete, we try to fill it will desires. May be your needs and desires have gone up after marriage because of some social and cultural changes and your mind is more scattered as your responsibilities have gone up. We all go thru this and this is very normal. The key is to analyze your mind and its movement. The antidote comes in several forms - not to envy others and their possessions, thinking good for everybody, broadening your mind, try to see your own fault before blaming others, looking at a scenario from an independent standpoint, acknowledging own mistakes etc. The other thing is that the more you have the more you need. So, try to be happy with whatever you have. We will all get only that much we are supposed to get. However, try hard. Lastly, repeating the name of God will completely mold your mind.

2. Arguments comes to us because we think we know it better than others and is rooted in our EGO. Again, you need to do self-analysis. Learn to respect everybody and see the presence of God (hidden) in them. Even if you are correct, listen to others with due respect. You can always have a difference in opinion but at the end what matters is how much respect you have paid to the other party and if you are you listening their viewpoint carefully. Swami Vivekananda never accepted anything before verifying its truth. Argument should never spoil the relationship.

Finally, if you still can't control, leave the scene, breath some fresh air or tell your mind to shut up.

Hope this helps.

Ramanuj Bhattacharya

Hari Ohm,

Almost half a century back I was given two tools to control anger and I have benefited immensely by these two tools. I will share this with you. You may try it and I am positive you will start getting results --

(a) When you get angry, make it a point to shut your mouth and start chanting "Ram Ram" say 36 or 108 times... slowly ... by the time you reach the count, you will find that you can express yourself more calmly than shouting in anger.

(b) Have soft music -- bhajans, devotional songs, molodious classical music -- played at home and start listening to music and also practice singing along with the music... don't worry about lack of training... you are not performing for a concert audience but for you and Lord Ram... Sing in the shower, sing in the kitchen, sing in the drawing room, hum while walking, while cleaning vessels, ... keep on singing and humming... this is the best medicine for anger.

(c) Dr.Balamurali Krishna has rendered the entire 18 chapters of Gita in a musical manner. If you can get the tapes and listen to it, in a short while you will get to memorise the whole Gita... what better way than this!

With love to all.... May He Bless Us All!


Lot of times the anger is a direct creation of greed. One should learn and
practice to becoming little more content. This can and does bring peace to

Hope it helps.
Surendra Gupta





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