LICENSED TO KILL - INDIAN DRIVING SCHOOL TRAINING!

Licensed To Kill..! by Bob Banter

The government I’ve been reading has decided to start cracking the whip at motor training schools blossoming all over who teach no driving, but just get their students a license. I hope they do so fast, and hope my imaginary but nearly true visit to a motor training school speeds them up:

The instructor of the driving school looked up from the road map, he was trying to read, “Don’t worry sir”, he said giving me a big grin,” we will get your daughter her driving license within a month”.

“What are the timings for her classes?” I asked.

“If she comes for classes well and good, if not, no problem!”

“How does she get her license without attending classes?”

“Ah”, said the instructor giving me a knowing smile and then looking up at a picture on the wall of a man with an even bigger smile. “That’s our boss, and he is very well connected. His second wife’s brother’s best friend works in the licensing office and for a small fee, the work is done”.

“I see,” I said without really seeing anything.

“And d’you know something”, said the instructor moving a little closer towards me, “We don’t charge extra for the service!”

“How d’you do that?”

“The savings we make on petrol and cars makes up for the effort!”

“Very clever!” I admitted.

“Once upon a time,” continued the instructor, “We had six cars and nearly eight instructors. Now we need to keep only one car and I am the only instructor. Yet we have double and tripled the number of students. Ha, ha, ha!”

“Ha, ha, ha!” I laughed feebly.

“You will see most of the students in the afternoon for our theory class.”

“Good’, I said, “I’m glad they do learn some aspects of driving.”

“Oh no sir,” explained the instructor, “we don’t burden them with such things, we have completely changed our syllabus; no boring road rules, no learning road signs, oh no, this would frighten away potential students. We have to be more practical. We have employed an ex-traffic policeman who teaches them how to speed past a red light without getting caught, what sum to pay your havaldar for any offence committed, and how to fool the breathalyzer when drunk! You should see the crowds that attend his classes!”

“I can well imagine,” I said.

“Your daughter will benefit immensely from our driving school,” said the man shoving a form in front of me. “Just fill in her name and age and we will do the rest. Don’t worry if she is under age, we manage everything. Last week we had a twelve year old who ….”.

“Thank you”, I said shoving the form back and moving away.

“Where are you going”, asked the instructor. “Don’t you want a license for your daughter?”.

“Yes I do”, I said, “But I want her to learn how to drive”.

“That,” said the instructor with a hideous smile, “she will learn on the roads after she gets a license, give or take a few accidents..!”

I shuddered as I left.